Photo of the week: my teen son with a broken arm. At times, we may wish the most difficult problem was a broken arm.

A few years ago, when I worked with several teens and young adults, I noticed that every single parent of people in that age group felt as though they were in a crisis. The issues included mood disorders, drugs, sex, impulsivity. The kids often felt that they, too, were in crisis, though not always.

When a person has a new baby, they often have access to community support. There are new parent groups. There are parenting classes. Activities for children provide an opportunity for the parents to feel connected.

Not so when you are the parent of a teen or young adult. I found that the parents had feelings of shame and isolation. The problems seemed so big and they felt that if they had been “better” parents, the problems would not be so overwhelming, or even there at all.

I think the shame parents feel is a major obstacle to healing. When something is hidden, it festers. Community is important, for the support and for the insight others may have.

In October, I am starting a six week group for parents of teens and young adults. While there will be an educational component, the main benefit is the opportunity to form connections and to feel less alone. It is hard to navigate these waters–how to let go, how to foster their responsibility, how to handle fear. All the while, parents struggle to maintain their own lives and self-care.

You are not alone in this.

What strengths have you found in parenting teens and young adults? What challenges?