Photo of the Week: Brownie. We recently adopted a dog. She is 55 pounds of calm, not-jumping-up-on-you, 6-year-old, sweetness. We love her. It was my 14-year-old son’s idea. This is a big deal because he has been extremely afraid of dogs his whole life. This fear interferes with his life. So many people have dogs, dogs get loose and roam neighborhoods, people bring them into public areas. It is really difficult to avoid them. He thought maybe having one, becoming familiar with the ways of a dog, might help him overcome his fear. It is a slow process, but he loves Brownie and is now comfortable with her. He hasn’t yet been around other dogs to see if the Brownie-effect transfers.

I am proud of my son for finding a way to face his fear.

Fear is an emotion that can come from unknown origins or from some type of trauma. It is an emotion that can feel overwhelming. VERY simply put, our old part of our brain can pick up on triggers. It sends a message to our bodies to be on guard. We may go into fight mode, flight mode, freeze mode, or fawn mode.

We have a “window of tolerance.” This is when we feel emotionally comfortable. When we go above the window, we feel like fighting or fleeing. We are agitated. When we go below the window, we freeze or fawn.

It is important to understand that fight, flight, freeze, fawn are all coping strategies. They are your body’s way of protecting you. They are not weaknesses.

At some point, with some fears, many of us reach a point where we want to change our relationship to those fears. In my son’s case, the disruption the fear is causing in his life has caused him to search for a solution. This “exposure therapy” seems to be working for him.

Many of us experience anxiety, which is a form of fear. It may be situational; it may be chronic. There are different ideas of how to move past, or function with, this feeling. It is hard work. If you have been living with anxiety, you are already working hard! It takes a lot of energy to function with anxiety. There is help, though. Speak with a therapist (that idea may provoke anxiety!). Ask them their outlook on anxiety. They may believe it is trauma-based, or that exposure therapy can be a tool, or that mindfulness may work, or other ideas. Find someone who you are comfortable with and be ready to work hard. You don’t have to suffer alone. If you have been living with anxiety, know that you are already strong. And you can learn to use that strength in a new way.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on what has helped you with fear. Please share!