Photo of the Week: closet door. A few years ago, I lived in a house that I considered to be too small. For most of the time I lived there, I pushed against that reality. I was always slightly annoyed with it. Four of us were living in this place and I wanted more. I wanted to have parties. I wanted my sons to be able to have more than one friend over at a time. I was grateful to have a home…but my gratitude came with a “but.”

Eventually, I decided to create appreciation. We bought paint, and started with our bedroom. We got lovely curtains at a flea market. I decorated my closet door with things that were inspiring to me–gifts and words of encouragement. When I would open that small closet in the morning, I would see things from people I loved–a great way to start the day.

What I had done was change my relationship with my space. I actually came to really love the space.

My husband has had ankle/foot pain for several years. He has seen doctors and tried different ways of helping the pain. Recently, he has changed his relationship with his feet and ankles. He started with paying more attention when washing his feet in the shower, using lotion, appreciating the feel of the grass when walking through the yard without shoes, finding stretching exercises that felt good. He began honoring and cherishing his feet and ankles. He said, “I connected my brain to my body.” There is still some pain, but he feels more connected, more integrated.

I am not advocating giving up doctors and medical help. I am advocating for changing relationship.

I have decided that I am going to change the relationship I have with my stomach. This is the part of my body I dislike the most. I spend more time than I would like thinking of what I don’t like–its size, when it feels sick, when I feel nervous and tense in my stomach. Instead, I am deciding to appreciate that I have a stomach. I appreciate that it is the giver of so much emotional insight. It can be difficult to change a relationship. I think it will be worth it, though, to learn to appreciate this part that I give so much energy to disliking.

Recently, I was speaking with someone who said they did not like when they felt anger. We talked about changing the relationship with anger. We got curious and wondered what it would be like to take the information anger could give–am I being mistreated? is something hurting a childhood wound?–and making a decision on how to act, rather than reacting and thinking there was no choice or power to be had.

I think there is power in changing the relationship with something you dislike but must deal with anyway. It is different from only gratitude. It is creating an honor for the thing’s function. Sometimes, it is important to end relationships with things you dislike. Sometimes there is value in changing the relationship, though.

What are relationships you could change? How would you go about it?