Photo of the Week: “Sisters.” This figurine was a gift from my sister. She is seven years older than me. We have had times of contention, times of love. It is a bond unlike any other.

When I was little, she would play House and Barbies with me. She improved my dog costume for my preschool play by adding strings from the tail to my “paws” so I could make my tail wag. We shared a room and would play “hide-the-glowing-rosary” when we were supposed to be falling asleep.

She went away to college when I was entering sixth grade. It was agonizing for little Gail. My playmate and confidante was gone. These were the days of long-distance phone charges, so I did not speak with her often, though we did write letters.

As we grew older, we had different experiences–living in different places, husbands, children. Different opinions developed.

As the younger sister, I found that I viewed her as an authority in my life rather than as a peer. I found myself trying to live up to what I thought were her expectations, while going against my own expectations.

Eventually, the rift in our relationship grew larger. Neither of us felt emotionally safe with the other. We both felt like we were being judged. Our conversations were stilted, neither of us sharing our true selves.

But things have changed and now we are growing closer again. How? Through intention. We acknowledged that we love each other. That is the foundation. We definitely still have different opinions. However, we are choosing intentionally to see each other through the lens of love. This was an actual, concrete decision. We intentionally make time to visit each other–alone–every couple of weeks or so. We intentionally try to be honest about our thoughts and intentionally listen deeply–knowing the other is not a monster. It is hard sometimes. It is scary sometimes to be vulnerable. To be truthful. But both are required.

How have you worked toward healing a relationship? What has helped you?