Photo of the Week: Zoot. Zoot was a black cat we had for several years. When we got him from the shelter, they said he had been there for months. They said people do not adopt black cats as readily as other cats. They felt that superstition was the reason for the stigma.

“Stigma” means “a mark of shame.” Going to therapy, for many people, carries a stigma. It seems that emotional problems are often considered to be shameful or moral failings. In my experience, people often feel as though they should be able to “get over” past traumas or current painful experiences. There seems to be a perception that talking with a professional means that you are being weak.

Being in therapy is a vulnerable experience. It can be scary to speak of times that have been painful, or when we may have acted in a way we regret. We may carry feelings of shame. We may feel afraid that if we address certain feelings, those feelings will overwhelm and consume us.

A therapist is trained in helping clients manage shame and overwhelming feelings. Therapy should go at the clients’ pace. That means the client controls when difficult emotions are addressed, which should be when the client feels trust in the counselor. Counselors are trained to withhold judgment. We are trained to see each client as an individual with unique circumstances. We view each client through the eyes of empathy. Our job is to help the client look at themselves with curiosity rather than judgment. A therapist creates a space that feels safe enough for the client to gently move into vulnerability so that healing may begin.

If you do not have this experience with a particular therapist, it is okay to end that relationship and search for someone who feels safe. Therapists are aware that this will happen. No therapist is a good match for every individual.

If you are considering counseling, test the waters. Contact a therapist and interview them. See if you feel comfortable with them. You do not have to wait until you feel “bad enough,” are overwhelmed, or are losing relationships. Therapy may help you avoid reaching a devastating situation. It can help you manage life better. Coping skills and talking through situations can help you to live the life you want to live. Therapy can help you see patterns and help you learn new ways of living.

Stigma can stop us from enjoying experiences in life that may be enriching. I encourage you to reach out for the life you want. You do not have to suffer alone. If you have questions about how therapy works, feel free to contact me.