I have learned, am learning, to value myself. It is hard work. Today, sitting to write this, I lit candles in the middle of a bright, sunlit room, just because I love them. I poured some tea, and toasted myself. Yes, I toasted with tea. I honored the fact that I have come a long way to get to where I am in this moment. I have worked hard.

I can say, with confidence, that you have worked hard, too. Some of you will have parts that push back against that idea. Some of us have parts that think self-punishment is a kind of encouragement. “If I call myself lazy, I will stay motivated. If I stop being hard on myself, I won’t do anything.” This is extreme thinking (I won’t do ANYTHING). Life is difficult, generally speaking. You have made it to today. You have had to overcome things to do that.

Maybe you do not like how you are today. Maybe you have habits that hurt you, or you have moods that seem to not serve you, or you lash out at others. Those parts of you are trying to protect your most tender parts. They may be doing it in a way that is different from what your true self would choose.

There is help. There is learning that can be done; healing that can happen. YOU ARE VALUABLE. You have much to add and you are worth the work and care. Reach out for help from others. I tell my sons, “A sign of maturity is knowing when and who to reach out to.” We are communal people. We need others. Reach out to friends. Find a therapist. Keep looking until you find people who give you what your true self needs.