Tag: unstuck

Mission, Vision, Philosophy

May 4th, 2025
Graphic of the day: Growing Connections Counseling!

Have you ever made a mission statement, vision statement, philosophy statement, or “Who Am I?” statement, for yourself? It can help you hone in on what you want in your life, both personally and professionally. This is mine for Growing Connections Counseling:

Mission Statement:
I provide a safe space, support, and guidance for people to explore their emotions with curiosity in order to increase their flexibility, adaptability, coherence, energy, and stability (FACES–Dr. Dan Siegel). I help clients, who are struggling with recurring issues, to enter their emotional world, step by step, to gain greater understanding of self and to integrate emotions into their lives. Clients are empowered to deeply heal and become who they want to be.

Vision Statement
Finding deep healing through emotional exploration and integration.

Philosophy
Empowering–client to become who they want to be.

Supporting–healing through guided encounters and connection.

Integrating–emotions into everyday experience.

Exploring–with curiosity and wonder.

Who Am I?
I am a mental health therapist and I work with individuals and couples who have trauma or feel overwhelmed. I help clients work on an emotional level instead of only the cognitive level so they can move toward deep healing and who they want to be.

So, who are you? What are you about? What do you want in your life? Please share!
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Doorways

October 13th, 2024
This is the interior view of my front door. I took this photo because all I could see from where I was sitting, was trees. I love that. However, it is not an accurate representation of what is actually outside my front door. It is an illusion. Rather, outside is a concrete retaining wall that has trees and bushes and vines growing all over it. I think it is lovely. But it is not as it appears from my position inside the house.

Much can be said about doorways and perspective. Doors as portals. Closed doors and safety or inhibition. Open doors as opportunity or vulnerability.

Today, though, this photo has me thinking about one’s surety of one’s own perspective as truth. If I were to remain sitting on the couch where I took the photo, I would be sure that I lived in a forest. If I went to the window, I might believe that while I am on a street with other homes, surely I am across from a forest, or at least a woodsy yard.

But if I open the door, if I cross the threshold, I could open my perspective. I could hear traffic–surely this is not a forest! But what? If I go through the door, cross the street, touch the wall, I would learn where I am. I would have entered an adventurous world and be ready for growth and learning!

But if I stay on the couch, resting in my singular untested perspective, it will be harder to learn. I may feel betrayed when the leaves fall and I find that I live near a wall and not a forest. Or, someone may tell me of the wall and I would not believe them.

There is so much to learn! So much adventurous growth that is possible! It requires movement. Move toward the door–one step at a time. Cross the threshold! The world awaits!

What threshold is waiting for you to approach and cross?
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Fairy Door

September 1st, 2024
Recently, I moved to North Carolina and found that there is a fig tree growing in the front yard! One day, I walked past, and was excited to see these mushrooms growing beside the “fairy door” at the base of the tree.

Fig trees, mushrooms, fairies–all have lore. I am often a “logical” minded person, but I felt a surge of Magic when I saw this!

That is important.

Einstein said “Logic will get you from A to B. Imagination will take you everywhere.” Allowing emotion and imagination deepens life and provides important information that logic alone cannot give.

Imagination and emotion create connections to a person’s inner self. Logic alone stays on the surface. To make decisions that are truly good for us, we need to reflect on emotional aspects and connect them to logic. We can pay attention to our deepest longings and connect that information with the logical part of ourselves. When we use our creative imaginations to aid that connection, we can make better-informed decisions.

That “fairy door day” was a reminder to me to be present and creative, to allow hopefulness while in the midst of a stressful move to a new place. What imaginative reminders have you noticed lately?
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Codependence and Interdependence

March 3rd, 2024
Today, I heard someone describe codependence as being when a person’s sense of self comes to depend on the destructive tendencies of the other person. For example, if someone close to me is addicted to something and my sense of self comes becomes only caring for that person–like covering for them with their boss when they miss. The person I was listening to, a podcast with Jack Kornfield (Heart Wisdom podcast), said the word “codependent” comes from the Alcoholics Anonymous tradition. Codependence is a trauma response. It is not a choice, but rather a survival skill.

I think there is sometimes confusion about “codependence” and “interdependence.” Codependence means a person loses their identity in another person. Interdependence, though, is an important part of relationships. For example, a couple who leans on each other during a difficult time. A couple who hurts when the other is suffering, out of compassion and empathy, rather than out of a loss of their sense of self.

If a person feels that they have lost their identity in a relationship, counseling can help them find who they are again. Other ways include experimenting with creating mental and emotional space for yourself through journaling, finding a creative outlet such as painting for self expression, or trying new things you may never have tried before–like activities or even different styles of clothing. Making space for yourself.

What are your thoughts? Do you have other definitions of codependence or interdependence? Other ideas about healing?
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My Backyard

October 30th, 2023
Photo of the week: Red leaf in my backyard. I chose this photo today mainly because it was in my own yard.

For many of us, it is easy to feel overwhelmed by bad news–personal, as well as global. It can leave us feeling powerless, hopeless, sad, angry. When we are in that headspace, it can be difficult to function in our everyday lives.

One thing that helps me is to find a space where I can make an impact. There are so many important issues that I care about. At the same time, there are only a few that I feel adequately prepared to do something about. These are spaces where I feel knowledgeable and motivated. For me, one of those spaces is the topic of mental health. Another issue is access to mental health resources. So, I offer sliding scale mental health services and free presentations to organizations.

The first step is identifying what issues move you, then finding what you are skilled at. The third step, though, is noticing that you are having an effect. Some of us discount the impact we make in the lives of others. It is important to be aware that, even if we were the most powerful person in the world, our impact on individuals and issues would still be limited. The impact you make may seem small, but it is important. We must not discount that.

The photo of the week is from my yard. I chose this photo because it is a representation of the idea that I may only have impact in my small circle–my “yard”–but it is still an impact. Being intentional with my actions, noticing there is impact on issues I care about, helps me ward off feeling overwhelmed.

What helps you when you feel overwhelmed by painful news? What do you do when you feel powerless?
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Facing Fear

October 1st, 2023
Photo of the Week: Brownie. We recently adopted a dog. She is 55 pounds of calm, not-jumping-up-on-you, 6-year-old, sweetness. We love her. It was my 14-year-old son’s idea. This is a big deal because he has been extremely afraid of dogs his whole life. This fear interferes with his life. So many people have dogs, dogs get loose and roam neighborhoods, people bring them into public areas. It is really difficult to avoid them. He thought maybe having one, becoming familiar with the ways of a dog, might help him overcome his fear. It is a slow process, but he loves Brownie and is now comfortable with her. He hasn’t yet been around other dogs to see if the Brownie-effect transfers.

I am proud of my son for finding a way to face his fear.

Fear is an emotion that can come from unknown origins or from some type of trauma. It is an emotion that can feel overwhelming. VERY simply put, our old part of our brain can pick up on triggers. It sends a message to our bodies to be on guard. We may go into fight mode, flight mode, freeze mode, or fawn mode.

We have a “window of tolerance.” This is when we feel emotionally comfortable. When we go above the window, we feel like fighting or fleeing. We are agitated. When we go below the window, we freeze or fawn.

It is important to understand that fight, flight, freeze, fawn are all coping strategies. They are your body’s way of protecting you. They are not weaknesses.

At some point, with some fears, many of us reach a point where we want to change our relationship to those fears. In my son’s case, the disruption the fear is causing in his life has caused him to search for a solution. This “exposure therapy” seems to be working for him.

Many of us experience anxiety, which is a form of fear. It may be situational; it may be chronic. There are different ideas of how to move past, or function with, this feeling. It is hard work. If you have been living with anxiety, you are already working hard! It takes a lot of energy to function with anxiety. There is help, though. Speak with a therapist (that idea may provoke anxiety!). Ask them their outlook on anxiety. They may believe it is trauma-based, or that exposure therapy can be a tool, or that mindfulness may work, or other ideas. Find someone who you are comfortable with and be ready to work hard. You don’t have to suffer alone. If you have been living with anxiety, know that you are already strong. And you can learn to use that strength in a new way.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on what has helped you with fear. Please share!
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Parents of Teens and Young Adults

September 11th, 2023
Photo of the week: my teen son with a broken arm. At times, we may wish the most difficult problem was a broken arm.

A few years ago, when I worked with several teens and young adults, I noticed that every single parent of people in that age group felt as though they were in a crisis. The issues included mood disorders, drugs, sex, impulsivity. The kids often felt that they, too, were in crisis, though not always.

When a person has a new baby, they often have access to community support. There are new parent groups. There are parenting classes. Activities for children provide an opportunity for the parents to feel connected.

Not so when you are the parent of a teen or young adult. I found that the parents had feelings of shame and isolation. The problems seemed so big and they felt that if they had been “better” parents, the problems would not be so overwhelming, or even there at all.

I think the shame parents feel is a major obstacle to healing. When something is hidden, it festers. Community is important, for the support and for the insight others may have.

In October, I am starting a six week group for parents of teens and young adults. While there will be an educational component, the main benefit is the opportunity to form connections and to feel less alone. It is hard to navigate these waters–how to let go, how to foster their responsibility, how to handle fear. All the while, parents struggle to maintain their own lives and self-care.

You are not alone in this.

What strengths have you found in parenting teens and young adults? What challenges?
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Changing the Relationship

July 3rd, 2023
Photo of the Week: closet door. A few years ago, I lived in a house that I considered to be too small. For most of the time I lived there, I pushed against that reality. I was always slightly annoyed with it. Four of us were living in this place and I wanted more. I wanted to have parties. I wanted my sons to be able to have more than one friend over at a time. I was grateful to have a home…but my gratitude came with a “but.”

Eventually, I decided to create appreciation. We bought paint, and started with our bedroom. We got lovely curtains at a flea market. I decorated my closet door with things that were inspiring to me–gifts and words of encouragement. When I would open that small closet in the morning, I would see things from people I loved–a great way to start the day.

What I had done was change my relationship with my space. I actually came to really love the space.

My husband has had ankle/foot pain for several years. He has seen doctors and tried different ways of helping the pain. Recently, he has changed his relationship with his feet and ankles. He started with paying more attention when washing his feet in the shower, using lotion, appreciating the feel of the grass when walking through the yard without shoes, finding stretching exercises that felt good. He began honoring and cherishing his feet and ankles. He said, “I connected my brain to my body.” There is still some pain, but he feels more connected, more integrated.

I am not advocating giving up doctors and medical help. I am advocating for changing relationship.

I have decided that I am going to change the relationship I have with my stomach. This is the part of my body I dislike the most. I spend more time than I would like thinking of what I don’t like–its size, when it feels sick, when I feel nervous and tense in my stomach. Instead, I am deciding to appreciate that I have a stomach. I appreciate that it is the giver of so much emotional insight. It can be difficult to change a relationship. I think it will be worth it, though, to learn to appreciate this part that I give so much energy to disliking.

Recently, I was speaking with someone who said they did not like when they felt anger. We talked about changing the relationship with anger. We got curious and wondered what it would be like to take the information anger could give–am I being mistreated? is something hurting a childhood wound?–and making a decision on how to act, rather than reacting and thinking there was no choice or power to be had.

I think there is power in changing the relationship with something you dislike but must deal with anyway. It is different from only gratitude. It is creating an honor for the thing’s function. Sometimes, it is important to end relationships with things you dislike. Sometimes there is value in changing the relationship, though.

What are relationships you could change? How would you go about it?
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New Podcast!

May 31st, 2023
Jon Herbert–writer, director, actor, and theatre instructor–and I have started a new podcast called “The Playful Healing Podcast”! In our podcast, we will interview people who engage in creative play and people who are on a healing path and/or who help others heal. We will talk about the intersection of creative play and mental health. This first episode is about how art can be healing, what therapy is and is not, and our upcoming therapeutic drama workshops, which will begin in August. Listen and let me know what you think!
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Mental Health Awareness Month

May 8th, 2023
Trigger warning: suicide and self-harm.

Photo of the Week: Drama Masks. This month is Mental Health Awareness Month. One reason I chose drama masks as the photo of the week is that our mental and emotional health exists on a spectrum. At one end is delight, at the other end is despair. Our human experience includes those and everything in between.

I think it is important to have a mental health awareness month because caring for your mental health still carries a stigma. Needing support carries a stigma. Many of our institutions seem to uphold the rugged individual standard–need no one, be self-sufficient, be independent, you are on your own. The times in my life when I have felt most alone, though, were my worst times–depression and anxiety were the outcomes.

My mental health story included over 40 years of depression, including suicidal ideation and self-harm. Most of my life, I woke with a sense of dread, making it difficult to be productive in any way. I struggled to appear to “have it all together” so I would not make others uncomfortable, all the while feeling as though I wanted to have never existed at all.

These are feelings many, many people experience. For me, the turning point came with a combination of medication and therapy. This led to the ability to develop honest and supportive relationships. In these relationships, I could lean when I needed to. I learned that I could be seen for who I am and that I was lovable as I am. I think this is a lifelong journey. This is where I am right now.

Another reason I chose masks for this week is that I think it is a struggle to take off our masks to show our authentic selves. Sometimes we need those masks, but sometimes wearing a mask becomes a habit. It can become difficult to know who our true self is. It is exhausting to constantly wear a mask, to hide our true selves. For many of us, the fear of not being accepted for who we are leads to self-loathing and distrust of others.

Who are you? When you remove the mask, what do you believe? What do you feel? What do you value? Do you know? At the top of the main page of this website, I wrote, “Your identity is important and valued.” As a therapist, I am interested in supporting you as you learn who you are and remove the mask. Who do you want to be at this time? I believe that is for you to decide.

So, for this mental health awareness month, our assignment is to make moves to embrace our authentic identities. Let’s do creative things to learn more about ourselves–write, sing, make art. Your identity is important and valued. What is your mental health story? Please share.
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