Several years ago, when I had finally gotten my first real, adult job, I set a financial goal. When I reached that goal, I thought, I would feel comfortable investing. After a time, I reached the goal! But I did not feel financially comfortable. So, I set another goal. When I reached it and still did not feel comfortable, it occurred to me that it was not about a financial amount. My anxiety was about something with deeper roots. There was never going to be a specific amount that made me “comfortable.”

I think that we do this same thing with relationships, with food, exercise, grades, and any number of other things! We set a “goal” that, if we reach it, we decide we will be satisfied. But satisfaction doesn’t happen. A breakthrough can happen, though, when we realize the deeper root cause of the anxiety.

How do we find the root cause(s)? There are different paths, but one way is by listening to the critical thoughts surrounding this type of anxiety. Is it the voice of a caregiver? Are the critical thoughts emphasizing a deep fear, like that you will always be alone, that you can’t care for yourself, or something else that you will “never” have or be able to do? Listen for extreme words, like “always,” and “never.”

What comes next? Challenging those thoughts and healing those wounds. This can take time and requires hard work. Journaling or talking with a friend or therapist can help. Be gentle with yourself while you do this work. You are worth the effort.