Today, I am thinking about connection. Who are the people you feel connected to? What creates that connection? I think it is something more than sharing information or having similar likes and interests. To me, connection is formed when I can feel emotionally safe with someone. It happens when I can share emotions and not be afraid of feeling judged or misunderstood. These are not things I think of consciously. It is more of a felt sense.

Sometimes, I counsel couples. I often hear them say “the problem is communication. We don’t communicate well.” Communication is not only about sharing information–it is about being able to share the underlying emotion of a situation. For example, it isn’t necessarily that I need my spouse to know I don’t like cooking. That information alone could be misread as “laziness” or simply a preference. What I would need them to know may be that cooking is triggering because of a childhood experience, or maybe I feel a deep fear of making a mistake. It is the deeper emotion of a situation that creates a bond and understanding. When something is frustrating or seems to be a block in a relationship, try being curious about its roots. Maybe that could open a new understanding.

What are your thoughts?