Photo of the day: Resting in each other’s company. This was the beginning of their relationship.

Sometimes people feel disconnected within their relationships. One way to regain connection is to talk about underlying emotions. Sharing the details of events doesn’t necessarily help people to feel close–sharing the emotion of the event does. You may have heard of “I messages.” With effort, I Messages can strengthen relationships of all kinds. An I Message is built like this: I feel ___ when ___. Sometimes this is followed by: I need ___. For example: I feel really sad and confused when you don’t do what you told me you would. I need to be told if plans change. Or for a happy event: I feel deeply loved when you cook after I have had a busy day.

It can be hard to identify emotions and it can feel really vulnerable. That is part of what makes sharing build connection. To identify emotion, it can help to notice your body, like tightness in your chest or “butterflies” in your stomach. Or notice any automatic thoughts. Are they positive? Critical? These indicators can help you identify how you are feeling emotionally. You can use the words that describe the thoughts or feelings if you can’t think of an emotion word.

Sharing emotions feels vulnerable. When it is received with compassion and openness, it can build trust. Remember it is okay to share feelings slowly. You do not have to be totally open quickly with people you have not built trust with.

What are your thoughts on connection?